i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
