You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
