I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
