So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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