is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
