Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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