So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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