She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
