I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
