after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize