"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
