Umm I'm too high to move.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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