I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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