He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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