I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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