I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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