Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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