I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
