you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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