I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
