omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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