she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
