Don't make out with my wife yet
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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