I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
