DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
