i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
