So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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