he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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