Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
