Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
