Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize