I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
