I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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