Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
