I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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