genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
