There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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