i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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