remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
