if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
did you just send me my own nude
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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