tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
