he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
