Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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