Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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