My nipple is on Facebook.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
