tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
