they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
