In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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