I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
