ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
