I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
