youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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