You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
