Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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