i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
