wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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