so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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