I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
