4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I believe in your delicious
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
