I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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