i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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