i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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