I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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