my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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