You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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