i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
