Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
