im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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