Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
