Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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