Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
