I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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