omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
