in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
