sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
