You can't special order awesome
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
