I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
