Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
