Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuck appropriateness.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
