and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
