I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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