he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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