She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
