oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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