ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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