I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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