I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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